Why I Said YES to an Open Relationship

If you told me ten years ago that I would be in an open relationship, I probably would have laughed in your face. But here I am, living proof that life doesn’t always follow a linear path and tbh that’s a beautiful (and slightly chaotic) thing.

Small Town Roots & Big Dreams

I grew up in a small town in Louisiana, where the roadmap for life was pretty straightforward: grow up, go to LSU (especially if you played sports), get married, have kids, and settle down. I had been playing softball since I was five years old, and everyone, including myself, thought I was destined for LSU with a full-ride scholarship. But something deep inside me wasn’t aligned with that dream and felt there was more to life than what Louisiana had to offer. Instead, I passed up the opportunity and pursued my passion for art at a school in Tampa because apparently, I just wanted to start fresh.

By 22, I was married, and by 24, I had earned my Masters in Media Design Management. My career took off quickly because I knew exactly what I wanted career-wise. I was asked to teach at the art school for two years while holding down a full-time corporate job at a national steakhouse chain (because what’s better than art and steak? Nothing). When I had my first child, I stopped teaching to focus on work and family, settling even deeper into the suburban life.

The Reality Check: A Life I Didn’t Recognize

Suburbia wasn’t what I expected. It felt isolating and suffocating like the anxiety-inducing movie Vivarium. Every day, I woke up crying, nagged my husband out of frustration, and went to bed crying more times than I would ever admit to anyone. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. After about seven years of marriage, I finally accepted that it wasn’t working and asked for a separation. Thankfully, he agreed and it was an amicable split and we both vowed to keep our daughter at the forefront of every decision going forward (the most crucial step in co-parenting in my opinion).

What followed was my "hoe phase": a time of self-discovery and exploration that I had never allowed myself before. Eventually, I met "Chad" (name changed for privacy) at my corporate job. He was stable, kind, and super easy going. We took things suuuuuper slow, bought a house together, had a baby and stayed together for 11 years. Our relationship was comfortable but lacked passion. It was more cohabitation than anything else. We kept everything separate: finances including bills and purchases, vacations, friend groups, our living spaces, everything! Sex was decent but not the “I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off” urge I heard often in sensual R&B songs growing up. However, he did teach me a lot about myself and what I did/didn’t want.

The Wake-Up Call

Then, COVID happened. Lockdown forced me to sit in the reality of my life, and it hit me... this, again, wasn’t enough. I was bored. Just floating through life. He wanted another child, but I had almost died during childbirth (lost half the blood in my body), so I wasn’t even open to the idea but he continued to bring it up. I thought, “How could you want something that may or may not kill me based on our previous experience and leave the girls without a Mommy?” so I started to detach.

One night, we were watching The Handmaid’s Tale (if you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it), and something about June being in love with both Luke and Nick woke me up. It made me question the entire concept of soulmates. I didn’t want “Chad” or myself to live with regrets and wanted him to find what he was missing, so I suggested we open our relationship. He agreed, and we both dove into researching the World of ENM. We discussed boundaries and what we both wanted the end goal to be.

We also did extensive research on dating apps (since neither of us had any clue). We were used to meeting people irl (in real life for those who are older). At first, he struggled since he was an introvert. We openly chatted about his profile, how to perfect the ideal ice-breaker, and how to keep the conversation flowing. It was tricky since most women doubted his intentions when he would bring up me to keep things transparent. Since he kept striking out for a few months, I decided to try Hinge® (his dating app of choice) and started dating women which was something I had never seriously considered before.

A Love I Never Expected

For 39 years, I identified as heterosexual. I had a few experiences in college but never felt the spark, so I wrote it off. “I’m strictly dickly,” I would proclaim. But when I downloaded Hinge® and started connecting with women, something shifted. What I did notice was that women listened waaaaaaay better. They cared more about the person on the other end. They would ask questions about myself that I never even considered or that I hid deep down inside for years. Each connection picked different parts of myself to share.

For a month, I casually swiped, chatted, and met a few people, but nothing truly clicked. I was fed up and about to delete the app when he encouraged me to give it one more shot. The very next day, my soulmate (now my wife) liked my photo. That was it.

Saying YES Changed My Life

I didn’t believe in soulmates before, but now I do. I never could have predicted this path for myself, but by saying YES to an open relationship, I found the love I had been missing my whole life. The truth is, we don’t always know what we need until we step outside of our comfort zones. Sometimes, the love of your life is waiting for you in the most unexpected places... you just have to be open enough to find them.

IN CONCLUSION

While opening my relationship led me to The One, I know it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. Open relationships require a lot of communication, trust, and emotional resilience. They can expose insecurities, challenge societal norms, and, let’s be honest, navigating dating apps in your late 30s is a whole adventure in itself. For some, monogamy is the perfect fit, and that’s completely valid. But for me, stepping outside the traditional framework of love was the best decision I ever made.

Whether your path is straight, winding, or full of unexpected detours, the most important thing is that it’s yours.

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April Ott, 40(ish), is a creative force who swapped paintbrushes for pixels and now works her magic in digital marketing. A mom of two (5 and 15) and a seasoned veteran of love’s plot twists: married at 22, got divorced, spent a decade in a relationship (possibly the longest situationship known to mankind), and then opened the door to finding her true soulmate — literally, in an open relationship. Now, she’s completely obsessed with her wife (love at first sight, no refunds, no exchanges) and thriving in a life built on saying YES more, embracing adventure, and proving that love, like good design, is all about bold choices.